Test your Parental Mental Load to Better Lighten it

Managing meals, children, activities, schedules, vacations, etc... the mental load of parents is often high!

Organizing and planning are not always enough to alleviate the need for anticipation, nor the need to think about everything, for parents, who must coexist with the loads of daily life without being overwhelmed. How heavy is your own mental load?

If it remains too heavy, the risk of burn-out increases. To preserve your health (mental and physical), let's start by evaluating the weight of your mental load.

Test your mental load: identifying the causes

To measure the weight of your mental load, you first need to spot the first signs, to identify the sources of stress, to better understand their impact on your functioning and especially to determine your resources. Once you've taken stock of the situation, there are solutions: it is possible to relieve the mental burden of parenthood (see our tips and advice at the end of the article)!

For example, you can make a list of everything that worries you on a daily basis: from the smallest worries (dinner tonight is not ready?) to your biggest anxieties (paying back the loan?), to annoyances that you cannot control (your son got a bad grade at school?). This allows you to clear your mind. 

Then ask yourself the right questions. How can you handle this task? What is your own impact on this problem? Can you remove this difficulty? There are no right or wrong answers, don't look for the majority of yes or no. These questions are there to guide your reflection, clarify your objectives, and if possible, discuss them with your spouse. Taking the time to evaluate the weight of your mental load is a first step to finding answers together.

Test your mental load: ask yourself the right questions 

Sleep disorders, great fatigue or hyperemotionality, when the weight of the mental load becomes too heavy to bear, the risk of burn-out increases. This is why it is important to learn to identify the external factors that affect our well-being and to understand our own behavior. We have listed here some questions to help you measure the weight of your mental load and to start your reflection.

• What is your biggest source of stress in your daily life, the one that preoccupies your mind the most? work, family, your children, your spouse, vacations, friends, etc.?

• When it comes to household chores, do you feel stressed when they are poorly done, not done at all, take too long, are unexpected, etc.? Do you feel that the tasks are shared equally in your household? How could they be better shared? With whom? If you delegate household chores, do you trust your spouse or other people to do them?
• On a daily basis, do you feel tired for no apparent reason, or under permanent tension?
• At home, how is family planning organized? Is the anticipation of tasks important in your organization? 
• Do you feel understood or supported by your spouse? 
• Do you think that your mental load is detrimental to your health? 
• At work, do you feel that you are racing against the clock? Is it important to you that your work be visible or recognized?  
• Are you anxious about planning a weekend or a family vacation? 
• In your opinion, is it possible to take time for yourself in your daily organization?  When was the last time you indulged yourself? 

Test your mental load: evaluate the load

After reflection... do you now think that your mental load is... 

• light? It does not crush you too much, you manage to divide the tasks or to keep your mind at ease on a daily basis.
• heavy? Your mental load remains cumbersome but under control. There is still time to think about solutions to prevent it from getting out of hand.
• suffocating? Organizational problems? Imbalance in household tasks? If the reasons are deeper (need to anticipate too much, lack of confidence or recognition, etc.), the risk of burn-out is not far off. It is urgent to preserve your health - mental and physical - and to lighten its weight.

How to lighten your mental load?

The weight of the mental load varies from one person to another. But certain character traits make it stronger. Perfectionists, people who are in control, those who want to anticipate and master everything, are likely to suffer even more. 

First, try to get rid of your limiting beliefs. You know, that little inner voice full of negative or false thoughts, family injunctions. They limit your self-confidence. For example, avoid believing that by doing a difficult task yourself, you will be able to do it faster, or that you can manage it alone. On the contrary, positive thoughts help to move forward. Don't hesitate to flatter yourself when you undertake something, or don't be afraid to believe in yourself. 

Between your professional and personal life, the list of obligations is endless. It is better to delegate and let go when possible, without anticipating the result... because during this time, you could have done something else!

To find an acceptable balance, we recommend these 5 tips and practical tools for mental discharge. 

At Share(d), we're working on parent support solutions thanks to a family app. With the Share(d) Anti-Mental Load App, a palette of practical tools helps families get better organized and share their mental load equally. 

Organizing schedules, shared agendas, shopping lists, shared to-do lists, childcare planning, shared finances, document storage, etc... the all-in-one family app brings together 12 useful and practical features to get organized, share... and breathe!